arsenicCatnip
by HeartHero
Summary: Under any other circumstances Nepeta would have been thrilled to be trapped in Karkat's hive with him. But not like this. Not with a candy-coated alternate, who turns a simple tea party into something dangerous in a cruel twist. Rated M for incoming gore, KatNep later on.
1. Time For Tea

**First Homestuck fic is a go-go. Totally winging this so let's see how it goes ^^**

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The invitation that pops up on her Pesterchum comes as such a surprise to Nepeta that she actually takes a few moments to answer it, even if it has – apparently – originated from a certain Vantas troll, and normally she'd pounce on it. Quite literally, if she was in that sort of mood. For a few moments the girl simply sits there, swaddled in blankets and leaning against Pounce with her drawing tablet in her lap, until the streams of grey scrolling across the screen become too much to bear and she decides to put her thoughts in words. Well, text.

CC: HEY.

CC: NEPETA.

CC: ANSWER ME HERE. I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU.

CC: COME ON, I'M A BUSY LITTLE TROLL HERE.

CC: KARKAT RESORTS TO ROLEPLAYING TO GET NEPETA TO ANSWER.

CC: KARKAT DRAGS HIS SORRY ASS ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS HUSKTOP TO CONTACT NEPETA, WHO HE HAS A QUESTION FOR.

CC:: KARKAT BELIEVES THIS IS BULLSHIT.

CC: KARKAT WILL RUN THIS THIRD PERSON SHIT INTO THE GROUND UNTIL HIS ROLEPLAYING ACTIONS ARE FIRMLY EMBEDDED THERE TO BE WEPT OVER.

AC: :33 *ac perks up in an interested fashion!*

CC: OH THANK FUCK. KARKAT WOULD HAVE SMASHED HIS THINKPAN OVER HIS HUSKTOP IF HE HAD HAD TO CONTINUE WITH THAT CHARADE.

AC: :33 h33 h33!

AC: :33 you should really give roleplaying a try karcat

AC: :33 i think you have purrtential

CC: OKAY, OKAY. HANG ON. I'M AFRAID IF THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING TO CONTINUE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO STAGE AN INTERVENTION.

CC: DROP THE CAT PUNS.

CC: CAN YOU IMAGINE IF I WENT AROUND MAKING CRAB PUNS ALL THE TIME?

CC: I WOULD GIVE SOME EXAMPLES BUT JUST TRYING TO THINK OF ANY MAKES THE SPACE BETWEEN MY EARS MELT AND OOZE OUT OF MY SKULL, WHERE IT DRIPS ONTO THE FLOOR AND PROMPTLY COMBUSTS.

AC: :33 if you f33l that strongly i will try to resist!

AC: what was it you wanted to ask me karcat?

AC: :33 *karkat!

AC: :33 *ac slides onto her belly and looks apologetic for the slip up*

CC: KARKAT WILL LET IT SLIDE.

CC: ANYWAY BEING THE SPIC AND SPAN TROLL OF CLEANLINESS THAT I AM I DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO CLEAN OUT MY HIVE BEFORE ALL THE CRAP STARTS GROWING LIFE FORMS. PROBLEM IS I'M NOW SURROUNDED BY A TON OF SHIT I DON'T REMEMBER EVER COLLECTING AND CERTAINLY DON'T WANT CLUTTERING UP THIS PLACE I FONDLY CALL MY HIVE.

CC: POINT IS I FOUND A TEA SET AND YOU'RE THE ONLY TROLL I CAN THINK OF THAT EVEN REMOTELY LIKES TEA. DO YOU WANT IT?

A present? From Karkat?! Okay, so technically it's not really a present, more like Karkat trying to shift his rubbish, but even just the small thought that Karkat found something and thought of her is enough to make a light green blush rise to her cheeks. As a giggle rings out through the cave hive Pounce stirs, cat ears twitching at the sound of rushed scribbling as Nepeta begins to answer.

AC: :33 certainly! it will be in good paws!

AC: :33 would you like me to come over and get it?

CC: THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A BAD IDEA.

AC: alright! i'll set off now then!

AC: :33 s33 you soon karcat!

If Karkat sends any more messages – quite possibly taking offence to the cat puns – they go unnoticed as Nepeta gets up, small giggles escaping from her mouth as she cleaned herself up a little. She's just got back from a hunt, and turning up at Karkat's hive with claws unsheathed and covered in blood wouldn't exactly be the most polite nor appealing of actions.

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As she approaches Karkat's hive it suddenly occurs to Nepeta how exactly they're meant to go about this exchange. Will she be invited in? Or will Karkat just shove a box towards her hands and send her on her way? Sadly, knowing the crabby – hee hee – troll, it will probably be the latter. With this in mind Nepeta knocks on the door with a heavy heart, fiddling with the tattered edge of her jacket as she waits. The Alternian night air is cool and crisp, occasionally whipping around her and catching the edge of her familiar blue hat. She's busy tucking strands of dark hair that threaten to explode out from underneath the pelt when the door opens, prompting her to snap to attention. Her eyes are already wide from the shock of being caught fighting the wind as Karkat opened the door, and they widen even more at the sight of the other troll. "K-Karkat!"

She'd been expecting to see the familiar grey jumper and symbol; a comfort to her almost like her hive and lusus. What she had not been expecting was this. The grey jumper has been splashed with colours, large stripes of white, orange and yellow running down his arms and making Nepeta's eyes hurt a little as they all fight for her attention. A startling orange forms the main body of the pullover, forcing the now white symbol to jump out from Karkat's chest. This theme continues up Karkat's body and into his hair, Nepeta noting with some shock that his stubby little horns appear to have been replaced with candy corns in the now light red hair. Cherry red strands explode from his head and stick out in all directions, ruffling even more in protest as the angry wind catches hold of it. Despite all of this, however, among all the splashes of colour and the sudden appearance of candy, the thing that seems most out of place on Karkat is the way his mouth curves upwards into a grin.

"Nepeta!" A hand shoots out to grab Nepeta's, eliciting a small cry of shock from the female troll as she's tugged inside. She only has a few seconds to appreciate the warmth from inside the hive hitting her face before Karkat is moving again, bobbing and weaving around her and making it a little difficult to keep an eye on the tornado of colour. "Fucking wonderful to see you! Let me take your coat-" The shabby green fabric slides between Karkat's eager fingers. "Your hat-" Dark hair spills out over Nepeta's head, forcing her to blink it out of her stunned expression. "-And tea is served!"

"T-tea?" Hundreds of questions running through her mind at Karkat's new appearance and demeanour, and yet the first thing she asked about was tea? Maybe she was just searching for some element of normality. "You mean the tea set? I came to pick it up!"

"Nepeta, you fuckass, where would the fun be in that?" Swear words that would normally be twisted in Karkat's harsh voice come out sugar coated, an happy lilt to them as he takes hold of Nepeta's hand yet again. She can't help but blush as he sweep backwards in a bow before straightening up, eyes sparkling and standing out from his now almost white skin as he leads Nepeta further into the hive. "I was sat here waiting for you to show up, and then my thinkpan turned over on itself with an idea I'm fucking ashamed I didn't think of earlier! My shame runs so deep my descendants will probably have it looming over them in their recupracoons, wailing to them about how fucking stupid I was!" A rather strange sentence, but one that seems to fit in with Karkat's usual style of long insults. "No matter! I've thought of it now so our problems are solved! How about we make this a tea party?"

It's extremely difficult not to get swept away by Karkat's infectious, sugar coated happiness. Nepeta finds herself pouncing on the idea. "A tea party?"

"Yes! You pour the tea in the cups and then you drink it!" A hand meets Nepeta's face as Karkat spins around, grin appearing a little patronising as he claps his hand on Nepeta's cheek. It actually hurts a little, though the small stinging pain is soon forgotten as the offending hand catches hers to spin her around in a twirl. "I've prepared the drinks, but Karkat wishes to know if you would like him to graciously drop a sugary substance into your refreshment?"

"Yes purr-lease! Nepeta would like some sugar! Sugar makes everything sweeter!" She's completely lost now, giddy as she practically bounces along after Karkat. All thoughts of why Karkat is in the state he is are gone, cast away by notes of just how _happy_ he seems to be. The brightly coloured troll has a grin firmly fixed in place as he makes a show of adding sugar, picking up a dainty looking teacup after opening a small packet and flourishing his hand over to item. Nepeta can only assume that he's found all these things while cleaning his hive as she watches a fine white powder drift into her cup, reaching out to close her hands around it as he offers it to her. A small giggle comes from over the rim of the china, Nepeta giving a small sigh as she takes a drink and a warm liquid shoots down her throat. "Wow, Karkat! I didn't think you were one for tea!"

"I didn't think I was one for many things except insults and self-hatred!" The troll seems rather satisfied as he moves back to settle in a chair, candy corns appearing to glint underneath what dim light there is as he takes a sip of his own tea. The cups are only small, meaning Nepeta is left standing with an empty until Karkat gestures to a table. "Please, Nepeta, help yourself to some more tea. I didn't drag my ass through piles of useless crap for you to stand there and stare at the tea to see if it does tricks."

"Alright, Karkat! Here, would you like some more too?" With a small nod Karkat allows a giddy Nepeta to use a slightly dirty teapot to refill his cup, though he shakes his head in a rejection when she makes to put sugar in. Not thinking too much of it she takes some more for herself, a small giggle escaping unbidden from her as she curls up in a spare chair after seasoning her drink. This was like something out of her wildest, soper slime induced dreams – she's sharing a moment with Karkat, one that she will keep and treasure and probably paint on her cave wall later in a secluded place. Getting the colours of Karkat's bright outfit absolutely correct will be a little difficult though. Perhaps if she uses some cow-centaur blood underneath a light she can get the correct colour of orange? She doubts Pounce will let her take some white fur for Karkat's symbol. Oh, forget the colours, the scene itself is what matters the most – her and Karkat, now sharing their fourth cup of tea together in his hive, both of them seemingly flying sky high from the events. Purrfect! It's all she could do not to walk over and curl up in Karkat's lap. He may be on some sort of high, and not seeming like grouchy old Karkat at all, but somehow, Nepeta still doubts he would appreciate that. Still, she finds herself watching him with some longing, though of course whenever his gaze switches to her, her eyes flick away.

By their seventh cup of tea Nepeta is seriously tempted to shrug her shoulders, cry 'fuck it' and curl up in Karkat's lap anyway. Her head is beginning to swim a little, little snippets of the happenings around her occasionally breaking through the haze in her mind. The chink of the teapot against the cups, Karkat's voice adding flowers and sweetness to swear words, her own giggles. Karkat has to repeat his words several times before they actually get through to her. "How are you feeling, Nepeta?"

"Absolutely brilliant!" She seems it, leaning against the table where she's just finished pouring more tea for them both. The sugar packet is completely empty, though she can see two more sitting not too far away. "Thank you for letting me stay, Karkat. This tea set was a brilliant find! I'll be happy to take it home!" She'll have to put it somewhere safe to make sure it doesn't get broken. Nepeta isn't letting any harm come to this souvenir. Although, maybe she won't actually take it home at all? Maybe it'll stay here at Karkat's, and they'll do this more often!

"Strange." That wasn't a word she had been expecting. It causes her to freeze, regarding Karkat's expression of mock concern. Confusion begins to break through the haze in her mind.

"What's strange?"

"That wasn't sugar."

It takes Nepeta a few moments to process Karkat's words, and when she does, she nearly drops her teacup. "N-not sugar?" The drowsiness she's feeling is the only thing keeping her calm as she sets her cup down on the table, eyes wild as she turns to the other troll. "What was it, Karkat?" Worry is melting into terror, Karkat's movements seeming too fluid as he gets up, grin seeming sinister now. The hand that has reached out so many times to her tonight moves out again, pale skin clashing with grey as he gently lifts her chin up. "I thought, well, if we're going to have this tea party, I want to make sure you remember it! This couldn't be your fucking run of the mill tea party, all china and teapots with nothing of substance apart from a shitty brown liquid that oozes into the 'boring as fuck' zone."

"Karkat!" Nepeta's body is shaking, breaths becoming faster and seeming to run in time with the pounding in her head. The trickster is tutting, shaking his head at her in a way that makes Nepeta want to claw the grin off his face in a show of desperate aggression.

"Use your thinkpan, Nepeta! Something you'll remember, something you use every fucking day of your life to wriggle your ass like a cat or talk about tea sets to a troll who has yet to see how fucking messed up he is before he solves all his problems. I didn't set up this tea party in such a way only for you to flip it off and scrabble off laughing into the night!" A laugh. "Come on. Nepeta uses her thinkpan and eventually realises…"

Nepeta feels like she couldn't remember what happened two seconds ago, never mind something she's been using every day. The panic isn't helping, contaminating every thought Nepeta manages to string together. Why would Karkat do this, whatever it is? Her feelings are just as confused, her small hands scrabbling against the surface of the table as she tries to get a grip on the agonisingly smooth surface. "Karkat, this isn't a roleplay! What have you done?"

"Do I have to spell it out like you're a wriggler? Shame on you, Nepeta. A…r…s…e…n…"

It slams into Nepeta then along with the drowsiness, the stunned troll flopping forwards slightly into brightly striped arms. "A-arsenic." She stammers, scrabbling against Karkat's shoulder. He's taken her trollian name and used it against her! Despite the mixture of pure anger and terror she's feeling, Nepeta finds herself almost regarding the blow in some twisted form of appreciation. "Arsenic catnip. Arsenic!"

"Heh. She gets it once, she gets it three times!" Karkat's words are lost on her as her eyes begin to slide shut, breaths slowing down, the panic in her mind doing nothing to wake her up. Karkat's voice is a mumble, and she's not sure if she's just imagining the words. "Have dreams sweet like sugar, Nepeta. You're not going anywhere, after all."


	2. Lollipop, lollipop

**Wow, thanks for all the responses to this! Thought I might as well put up another chapter while I had the chance. Ending feels a little rushed in my opinion but hey. Please review! ^^**

**Also if force feeding ain't your thing this chapter might not be for you cause there's a little bit of that in here.**

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Opening her eyes to see what's going on around her is the last thing Nepeta wants to do. But an unwanted image of a colourful troll suddenly jumps into her mind and her eyes fly open, her breathing rate increasing sharply as her eyes flick around the room.

In comparison to the mild light that had bathed their tea party, the entire hive is now almost pitch black, all windows covered up. Must be the harsh daytime. A small movement causes the surface underneath her to cave slightly, leading her to believe that she's curled up on a form of soft furniture. A couch? A quiet groan begins to well up inside her and Nepeta almost lets it slip past her lips before she freezes, entire body tensing as she rethinks her idea. A noise would certainly catch the attention of Karkat, which – judging by his current attitude – is something she absolutely does not want to do right now.

What had happened to Karkat to make him like this? Never mind just twisting his mind to give her poison – what had altered his clothes, brightened his mood into what Nepeta now regarded as almost psychotic happiness? Her eyes slide shut again as she remembers, the images she had originally thought to be so lovely playing out in her still drowsy mind. Once again, her feelings are a mixed bag. The feeling of joy at the fact that Karkat had thought of her first is still present, though it's gradually being overtaken by what could only be described as grief. Why? Why did he have to poison her and the memory she had been planning to treasure? She's not angry any more, just… hurt. Okay, so they may not be in any sort of significant quadrant relationship except on Nepeta's shipping wall and her wildest dreams, but she thought they both at least regarded each other as friends. Why hadn't this version of Karkat lured someone he didn't particularly get along with his hive and poisoned them instead? Quite a bitter thought. It was strange – Nepeta felt almost honoured that he'd thought of her first, but at the same time, she was wishing it hadn't been her to go through this. At least someone like Sollux or Gamzee wouldn't have gone through the events with their heart singing, thinking their relationship was taking a significant turn before having the brightly coloured, candy coated rug pulled out from under their feet.

She couldn't stay here mulling this over. It may be daytime, but Nepeta knew she couldn't stay here. Really, she was lucky 'Karkat'- if she could even call this troll that – had gone for something subtle like poison rather than taking his sickles to her or something. If he had done that, would she have fought back? Could she have brought out her claws and driven them into his flesh like he was any old beast; raked them down the face she adored so much? No. No, she couldn't have. Even now, after everything that had occurred, she was still tempted to find him, try to help him somehow. But fight or flight was beginning to kick in, and her head still felt too woozy to fight.

Her plan is foiled, however, when she rolls over to get off the couch. A feeling akin being impaled on a railroad spike slams into her and she screams, automatically scrambling up into a position so she can better clutch her stomach. There's a stabbing pain in both of her sides as if her insides were tightening up and constricting, head pounding in time with the needle sharp stabs and causing her to scream again. Oh, God, her entire body was shutting down because of an ironic twist on her trollian handle! The situation sound so ridiculous that Nepeta probably would have laughed at it. But there were no giggles spilling out over her lips now, just olive tears flowing from the seemingly only working part of her body as she frantically looked for a way out. Could you run away from pain?

"Nepeta!" From the corner of the room a grey shape stirs and with a jolt Nepeta realises it's Karkat, which only increases her efforts to get off the couch and _run_. "Nepeta, fuck, don't move!" The feeling that she's been impaled on a spike is still present, though Nepeta does her best to move around it, eyes widening in panic as the other troll rushes over.

"Don't! Please!" She can't even twist the word into a cat pun.

"Oh fuck, Nepeta, stop! Look at me, look at this useless pile of shit. Nepeta!"

A grey hand reaches out and Nepeta automatically screams, though the sound abruptly cuts off as the grey colour registers in her mind. Forcing herself to calm down she finally looks at Karkat, her breathing eventually calming down in her position squashed up against the corner of the couch. His normal appearance has returned, the comeback of the dark hair and colour scheme explaining why she hadn't seen him in the corner of the dark room. There isn't a scowl or a grin on his face, rather, an expression of sheer concern. When he sees that he has her attention he pulls his hand back, running it down his face. "I… fuck." For a few moments he simply repeats swear words to himself, face buried in his hand before he looks up to Nepeta. "I don't know what to do."

"You poisoned me!" Unbidden the panic springs back to the front of her mind and Nepeta begins scrambling again, this time trying to climb over the back of the couch. Her hands slide off the fabric and her body is dropped back onto the seat, stomach cramps seeming to rise in intensity along with the terror as she continues to try. She wants to say more, shout and scream at him and demand to know what's going on, but the only words that don't get caught in her throat are the accusation. "You poisoned me!"

"Nepeta! Fuck, no, sit your ass back down!" The fact that it sounds more like a desperate plea than a command doesn't register with Nepeta, and she makes one last pounce to try and hoist herself over the couch and away from Karkat. The spike in her stomach really protests at that, her entire body giving a spasm and practically shaking her back onto the seat. It's not long before she's throwing up, tears blurring her vision along with strands of dark hair that fall over her face as her stomach is emptied and her throat scrubbed raw. Hunching over does nothing for her stomach cramps, and even when she's finished, it takes her a few moments to straighten up. When she does, she realises that it's not just the floor she's splashed with vomit.

"…I deserved that." It's Karkat's turn to groan. Bizarrely the pained, almost desperate expression on his face makes Nepeta's mind jump to the emoticons he sometimes uses in their trollian conversations. As strange and unbidden as it seems, the thoughts prompts Nepeta to ask a quiet question, swallowing a few times before she manages to speak around the sour taste.

"K-Karkat… what happened? What happened to you?" A pause as Nepeta struggles to organise her thoughts, thinking back past the stomach cramps and the raw pain in her throat. "You were your normal self before I came to your hive!"

"I don't know, but I'm freaking out!" The explosion sounds a little more like the Karkat Nepeta knows and loves. He takes his hands away from his face, holding them in front of him in an exasperated gesture. "I was cleaning out my hive while I waited for you, then I found this fucking lollipop, and now here I am splattered with your vomit with a headache after poisoning you! I think I just won shitty friend bingo and claimed the star prize of extreme guilt!"

"Lollipop?" A frown replaced the grimace on Nepeta's face. "What are you talking about?"

"Forget about the fucking spiralled sweet of temptation and sugar, I'm more concerned about you." Nepeta's curiosity is through the roof now, but in all honesty, she's more concerned about herself too. Call her selfish, but her cramping muscles and aching stomach are doing a brilliant job of bringing her attention back to herself.

"Karkat?" Her voice is quiet, barely audible to her under the pounding in her head. "D-do you know what's going to happen to me?"

"…No." It seems painful for Karkat to admit. "Aside from the fact that you've got poison mixed in with that blood of yours? Running through you while flipping me off with every cycle? No."

"My stomach hurts a lot… and my head…"

"Yeah, it's flipping off your body too, clearly." Karkat gets to his feet, moving up onto the couch to sit next to Nepeta. "Look, I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I'm not letting you out of my sight until you're your normal self again, okay?" A small laugh and a shake of the head. "Heh. You can have the pleasure of viewing my incredibly decluttered hive from the safety of my couch, while I promptly throw myself and the fucking lollipop under a herd of rampaging musclebeasts."

"Don't do that!" Nepeta honestly can't tell if he's joking or not. Judging by the scowl on his face, however, he doesn't seem to be. Once she's determined that he isn't going to run off and make his comment reality, Nepeta slides a little closer, only stopping when her stomach protests and lurches. "Karkat? Can I purrlease see this lollipop?"

The cat pun seems to get through to Karkat and he finally turns to look at the other troll, a range of expressions crossing his face before he settles on resignation. "…Don't see why the fuck not." Still, he hesitates before pushing himself up, glancing back at Nepeta before hurrying off out of the room. All Nepeta can do is wait and do her best not to move – even taking deep breaths causes her stomach to cramp – as she waits for Karkat, not even sitting up properly when he comes back. He wasn't lying about the lollipop – it seems huge in his hands, red and green spirals somehow standing out in the dark room. Both of the trolls seem drawn to it, Karkat especially – Nepeta can't tell if the two are getting closer because of the lollipop itself moving or Karkat's hands willingly bringing it closer. "Karkat!"

He snaps out of it then, attention turning back to Nepeta. After a pause she continues speaking, having to fight back nausea as she does so. "Is this it?" None of this was making any sense.

"Yeah. Was cleaning my hive when I came across this in the pile of useless shit." Karkat gestures towards it, eyes failing to flick back to Nepeta and becoming entranced by the colourful sweet instead. "Honestly? I have no fucking idea where it came from, but something told me to pick it up and like the troll with the rotted thinkpan I am, I did and lost whatever mind I have! Genius. Fucking genius."

Silence falls in the room and gradually becomes thicker, until Nepeta can't take the pressure anymore and she speaks. "You should throw it out." No response. "It made you poison me! What else could it make you do, Karkat?" Still no response. It's only then that Nepeta realises what Karkat is doing – his hands have brought the lollipop close to his face, mouth falling open to create an expression akin to awe. Nepeta doesn't need to be in her right mind to figure out what's going to happen. "Karkat! No!"

Too late. For a moment Nepeta sees Karkat's gaze flick to her, his eyes going wide as he too realises what's happening. However, ultimately the moment is useless as the lollipop takes matters into its own hands, jerking forwards in Karkat's and practically slamming into his face.

She doesn't stop to watch the whole transformation. All Nepeta sees before she makes a break for it is a light red beginning to trickle down Karkat's dark hair like strawberry sauce, horns beginning to glint as the colours are magnified and given a sheen. "Nepeta!" His voice is a sing song, one Nepeta doesn't stop to appreciate as she finally makes it over the back of the couch with stomach doing flips. "Here, kitty, kitty!" The nice Karkat from the night before is seemingly gone, replaced by this troll who seems intent on mocking her. Or worse. Her stomach is protesting, but Nepeta presses on, heart rate increasing rapidly as she flees through another door in the room. Everything in her stomach feels heavy, crying at her to stop, but all Nepeta can think to do is run.

"Where are you going, Nepeta? We could have another tea party! I thought you appreciated my kind gesture, fuckass?" Even though the insult sounds sickly sweet it still stings. For a moment Nepeta staggers, legs buckling at the top of a flight of stairs, but she forces herself up. Where is she even going? She doesn't know the way around Karkat's hive! What if it's a giant circle and she comes face to face with him again? She doesn't know what's more painful: the poison symptoms or having to run from someone she cares about so much. Karkat may not have hurt her too much – as far as she's aware, anyway – but that could easily change.

"Nepeta!" Fuck, he's fast! It sounds like he's right behind her! A terrified glance back reveals that, oh fuck, he _is_ – Karkat's hovering, _hovering_, at the top of the stairs she's going down. At least one sickle is drawn, and Nepeta doesn't stop to see if the other is too, scrabbling down the stairs as if she was a cat and Karkat had stood on her tail. "Nepeta, don't go! You've hardly been awake while you've been here! I'm enjoying your presence!"

"I- I want Karkat back!"

"But I am Karkat! I'm the new, improved version, the version that's sorted himself out!" What does that even mean? How is poisoning his friends and terrifying them beyond belief an improved version? If she gets out of this and works the poison out of her system, Nepeta would happily be shouted out by grey text one hundred times over, calling her out for her roleplaying and cat puns or whatever. The conversation she had had with Karkat in her hive seems a million miles away along with her home in comparison to the situation she's now in.

"Nepeta!" Two sickles suddenly cross in front of her chest and she screams, flinching back so her head hits the chest of the troll that's now standing behind her. Despite her knowing she shouldn't she begins to struggle, only pausing when the curved tips of the shining weapons prick her shoulders. "Where are you going? I don't want to have to give you more arsenic to keep you here. Surely you don't want that either? Little boring if you ask me."

"No!" The pain she's feeling is already bad enough. Her heart feels like it's about to jump out of her chest and impale itself on Karkat's sickles. It doesn't help that Karkat seems to be totally happy with saying exactly what's on his mind in his current state, meaning he's spelling everything out for Nepeta whether she likes it or not.

" 'Purrlease', Nepeta! I never realised how much I love you and having you here. Just stay. Talk this out with me. Let us sail down this beautiful river of self-satisfaction together. Dock at the port of true fucking understanding." When Nepeta gives no response except a small mewl Karkat frowns, grip tightening on the sickles to force more of the curved blades into her shoulders. "I thought you'd want me to be happy, Nepeta! You know how shitty I used to feel about myself, don't you?"

"T-this isn't going to make you happy!" Shining silver is becoming stained with olive, Nepeta not daring to try and move around the blades in her shoulders for fear of extracting even more of her blood and causing herself more pain. At the moment it just feels uncomfortable; two small pinpricks in her skin. But then Karkat tightens his grip yet again and forces the blades round in a smooth circle. The slicing feeling is unbearable, Nepeta screaming as the blades move agonisingly slowly through her, the sound cutting off as she sees the sharp tip start to reappear outside her body in a different place. She can feel her body fighting, skin and muscle providing resistance, but ultimately a good length is forced out.

"Purrlease, Nepeta, don't scream. I have neighbours out there, and I don't want them hammering their grey hands off my door with their own fucking problems. I can only help so many fuckasses at a time!" She's hanging like bait off two fishhooks, her feet even lifting off the ground a little as Karkat adjusts his position behind her. He seems horribly content with this, even humming slightly as he dangles her there. Is this really what's making him happy?

"K-Karkat, when you sober up-" How else could she really put it? "You won't find this fun! T-think of how you felt before! When you'd realised what you'd done!" She can't tell if her words are actually getting through to the other troll or if they're just falling on deaf ears. Sadly, it seems to be the latter.

"Maybe I just won't 'sober up'!" The new emphasis on the trickster's words match the sudden movement. With a horrible ripping sound the sickles are torn from Nepeta's skin, the sudden removal of what had been her only support sending her dropping to the floor like a stone. Stairs she hadn't realised they'd been standing on rushed to meet her, the small girl's body slamming into the hard surface with a jolt. Her stomach does flips at that, turning over on itself even more as her arms fold over to cover her shoulder wounds. Oh, God, that's her _skin_ hanging off Karkat's sickles… mercifully (?) she doesn't get much time to appreciate it, giving a small scream as Karkat makes to lean down and she rolls away.

Her woozy head has forgotten about the stairs yet again. Each tumble is a jolt to the poor girl's fragile body, Nepeta's stomach and head and shoulders all screeching in protest as she fails to stop falling. The laughter doesn't help, the lilting sound ringing through the hive and getting louder as Karkat approaches. Normally she'd give anything to hear the other troll laughing. But not like this. Not in this situation. Her whole body is convulsing, the poison turning against her yet again, but she still tries to get away, managing to crawl for a few seconds before her stomach is being emptied once again in the corner.

"Fucking hell, Nepeta, you're doing more damage to yourself than I am, fuckass! You're running yourself into the ground, no, throwing yourself towards the ground and hoping it swallows you up!" That's not true! It's all _his_ fault! With a whimper Nepeta squeezes her eyes shut, waiting for Karkat, only to be confused when it sounds like he's… walking past? She isn't complaining. Just above her is a window, and if she pulls herself up, she can see some of that red fabric Karkat's draped around outside his hive. If she could somehow get out onto it, could she slide out onto it and down onto the ground? She has no idea how high up they are right now…

Too late. Karkat's coming back. A pale hand reaches out and grabs her shoulder, the fingers digging into one of the wounds and prompting a small shriek. His other hand moves in front of her and Nepeta braces herself, expecting the sickles, but what she sees surprises her. Karkat's conjured up a candy corn from somewhere, larger than your standard sweet, which sits in his cupped hand in front of her. She doesn't even notice what's on it until it's practically pressing against her half open lips, the bright colours and smell of the sweet making her stomach twist inside out and causing her to ignore the fine white power like frosting at first. More arsenic! The word 'no' rises in her battered throat but Nepeta doesn't dare open her mouth, pressing her dark lips together and restraining the words into a sound of denial.

"Oh, Nepeta, surely you're hungry? Surely I can tempt you with a sweet, sweet candy corn?" Surely not. The troll tries another tactic, voice as smooth as honey and as sweet as sugar as he keeps a firm grip on Nepeta. "If not food then the idea of falling asleep again? Only a fuckass like my old self would stay awake for the sheer spite of allowing this pain to hurt them in self-hatred!" Admittedly, that sounds more tempting. But even so there's no way Nepeta is allowing more poison to enter her body, and she remains stubbornly silent as she's pressed against Karkat. Her shoulders are stinging underneath his arm, olive blood continuing to trickle down and seep into her symbol, giving the green something of a glint. Nice touch.

She can wait him out. She'd woken up to a normal Karkat – the question was not whether she could wait, but just how long she'd have to. If Karkat starting hurting her again Nepeta might be a little more tested, but for now? She could ignore the headaches and the drowsiness and the cramps and the pain and the worry and the terror…

Seems that Karkat isn't as patient as her. Mercifully his hand moves off her shoulder but Nepeta only gets a few moments of relief before he's attacking her nose, pinching it hard so she has no choice but to open her mouth. "Heh. Got your nose!" In goes the candy corn and Nepeta coughs, trying to toss it back out, only for Karkat to release her nose and clamp her jaw shut in one smooth movement. It sits there in Nepeta's mouth, rolling around like she's playing with her food before she has no choice but to swallow. It's agony on her poor battered throat, the troll choking the poisonous sweet down as Karkat watches approvingly. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?"

They play a different waiting game then. With surprising tenderness Karkat scoops Nepeta up as she breaks down, unconcerned by the green tears pouring onto his pale skin as he carefully carries her aching body back up the stairs, putting her down on the blasted couch she'd woken up on. She hardly notices as he slides her onto his lap and strokes her tangled hair; an action Nepeta would have been thrilled with in any other circumstances. But as she lays curled up in the lion's lap, unable to do anything but as she waits for the drowsiness to take over again, she finds she can't appreciate being so close to her flush crush at all. Her feelings towards this Karkat aren't even a caliginous crush. All she can do is hope for the normal Karkat when she wakes up.

If she wakes up.


	3. Candy Is Orange

**In Which Eleanor Writes A Series Of Gory Events And Finds Writing Other Trolls Damn Near Impossible.**

* * *

Someone is making a strange noise that sounds like a mixture between groaning and crying.

There's a cool sensation against her head and Nepeta finds herself leaning into the touch as a cat would, ears straining for the source of that strange sound. After a pause she realises that it's actually her, feeling a jolt of something like shock as she struggles to shut herself up. To distract herself she slowly begins opening her eyes, the image of another troll slowly building up in front of her. Karkat's pulled her into his lap, his hand gently stroking the unrestrained hair that falls over her face and spills onto her forehead. There's an expression on his face that she can't quite work out – it looks like a mixture of sadness, confusion, and somehow anger – but frankly, right now she's not concerned with that.

"Where's the lollipop?" Her first instinct of scrambling away from Karkat is unachievable due to just how much her body is _aching_, so she's having to run with her second idea. As she remembers the sickly green and red thing – and what it initiated - her eyes go wide and her breathing rate increases, flinching as her body tenses up anxiously and it aggravates the many wounds she must have. "Karkat, where's the lollipop?"

"Captchalogued it." His voice is just as hoarse as Nepeta's. "Encrypted the shit out of it and let it make a nice big fucking hole in my floor." So it's still somewhere in the hive, then. Still, at least it isn't on Karkat's person. Before she can speak more words are spilling out of Karkat's mouth at a rapid pace, and Nepeta realises that the low tone to his voice is due to his throat being tight; blocked. Something associated with tears. "With any luck it got a code that not even Sollux can break open. Fuck, Nepeta, I- I… fuck!" Nepeta gives a small squeak of surprise as the angered male shoots to his feet, hands clenched in front of him like he's debating flipping off the heavens. "What the fuck did I do to make this happen, huh? I was trying to be fucking nice to you! I _wanted_ to be nice to you! Isn't that a turn up for the books! But some candy-coated feel-good seeps into my thinkpan and now you're lying on my couch inches from death!" Nepeta makes a surprised noise at that, what little colour there is in her face draining away. Karkat notices, and the concern on his face becomes even more apparent as he scrambles to sort it out. "Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. But fuck, Nepeta, you could have been! And it would all be my fault! No, fuck that, it's that fuckass imposter's!" He aims a kick at the couch, barely flinching at the slamming sound as the tirade of hate towards himself and the 'imposter' continues to spill out of his mouth. "Shit. Even the stuff I try to do that even has the beginning of an inkling of being nice fucks itself over beyond recognition. Call me crazy, but that seems like a pretty shit quality to have in a friend never mind a fucking mate-" The words cut off then, so abruptly that both trolls are left with a ringing sound in their ears. Nepeta really isn't sure what to say – should she try moving to get up and comfort him? What would she say? _Can_ she even move? Once again Karkat's locked in his own bubble of self-hatred; one that she can't possibly hope to penetrate. There's a storm of rage and upset brewing inside her too, and the only thing keeping it back is the fact that she knows it's not directed towards Karkat, not technically – but oh, how she wants to scream at that 'fuckass imposter' too! Then again she probably wouldn't even be able to say his name without bursting into ugly sobs, due to him and the stomach pains and her pounding head and the terror that still lingers…

"I need to get to my hive." Her voice is quiet, so quiet that it's barely audible and she has to repeat herself. The words are a little difficult to get out of her raw throat. "K-Karkat, I need to get back home."

"Fuck no. You're not going anywhere." Karkat's response makes Nepeta's thoughts instantly flash back to the first night after that fateful tea party, and once again the shock is clear on her face. She remains tensed up as Karkat fails to notice and correct his words this time, his face resting in his hands instead. "You've had two doses of arsenic now from my stinking hands, I think I'm under some sort of obligation to look after you until we've both dragged our nooks out of this pit." Looking up Karkat turns to Nepeta, who's curled up in the corner of the couch after a small, nervous jump start to get away. "Don't worry. This ride isn't just going to be you having to listen to my gushing waterfall of fucking feelings straight from my anguish bladder, okay? I'm actually gonna sort this shit out. Hopefully this'll be bland and uneventful rather than one of us ripping the other to shreds." Before he goes off on another tangent he catches himself, shaking his head and causing dark hair to fall down over his face. "Fuck that. How-"

"Karkat," Nepeta interrupts, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. Her arms curl around a bright green cushion on the couch, clutching it to her battered stomach. "Could I pawsibly use your husktop? I didn't captchalogue mine before I came and if I'm going to be stuck here…" She's feeling a little selfish actually for only just now thinking of her moirail. Was Equius doing alright? What if he'd run out of robots to spar with, got angry while trying to build some more and came to her only to found her status firmly set to offline? For however many days exactly she'd been here? She's breaking into a sweat, never mind the other troll.

Clearly the worry on her face registers with Karkat and he hurries out of the room without another word, carrying the husktop in rather than conjuring it from his captchalogue. He must have been using it while she was unconscious. "Guess I'll leave you to it." He says. "Doubt you want me hovering over your shoulder like a honkbird."

"Thank you…" Karkat's trollian is still logged in and Nepeta's eyes begin roaming for the sign out button, only to become distracted. No, Nepeta, no. Curiosity culled the cat. But after a few moments of hovering back and forth between the bars on the lower half of the screen and the sign out button, the curiosity overcomes her and she finds herself detouring, clicking on the first bar.

* * *

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]—

CG: VRISKA.

CG: HEY, VRISKA.

CG: LOOK, I KNOW WE AREN'T EXACTLY SAILING DOWN THE RIVER OF FRIENDSHIP HERE.

CG: BUT I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, OKAY?

CG: FUCK THIS SOUNDS SO BEGGING.

CG: BUT I GUESS I'M KINDA DESPERATE RIGHT NOW.

CG: ARE YOU EVEN HERE OR IS YOUR STATUS SET TO ONLINE PURELY TO ACT AS AN INFURIATING TEMPTRESS?

AG: Oh, I'm here.

AG: I was just enjoying seeing where your grovelling was leading to ;;;;)

AG: I must admit you were doing quite well until you admitted you were desperate. Do you really see me as some sort of booby prize?

CG: FUCK I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS. FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SANITY AND A CASUALTY CAN WE BE CIVIL?

AG: Casualty?

CG: QUELL YOUR BLOODTHIRSTY URGES FOR A SWEEP OR TWO. LOOK YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF 'IRONS IN THE FIRE' RIGHT?

CG: HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT POISON?

AG: I know it's far too slow for my liking.

CG: SLOW IS GOOD. SLOW'S FUCKING FANTASTIC.

AG: Really, Karkat, what are you planning? I have to say I'm intrigued as to what a cra88y asshole like you could 8e planning with poison of all things.

CG: FUCK PLANNING, IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED. HOW DOES IT AFFECT TROLLS? SPECIFICALLY ARSENIC.

CG: FLAUNT YOUR KNOWLEDGE AND BE SMUG ABOUT IT FOR ALL I FUCKING CARE, I JUST WANT ANSWERS.

AG: Difficult to say, really. Affects the thinkpan and stomach as far as I know.

CG: DEATH?

AG: Possi8le.

AG: If you're asking about arsenic, wouldn't it 8e 8etter to go 8other Nepeta rather than a lady like myself? I'm 8usy, and she's the one with it in her trollhandle after all.

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]—

AG: Karkat?

AG: A little touchy are we Karkles?

* * *

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]—

CG: PLEASE PUT A FILTER ON THE WORDS FLOWING OUT OF YOUR MIRACLE LOVING MOUTH AND TALK TO ME ABOUT SOPER SLIME.

TC: wHoA nOw BrOtHeR, wHaT gOt ShOvEd uP yOuR nOoK?

TC: jUsT cHiLl, HoNkBrOtHeR.

TC: :o)

CG: OKAY FOR THE SAKE OF TIME HERE I'M GOING TO STOP MYSELF GOING ON A RAMPAGE ABOUT YOUR EVER-FUCKING IRRITATING TYPING AND ALL THAT SHIT AND SAY IT AGAIN:

CG: SOPER SLIME.

TC: oH mAn, WhAt Do YoU wAnNa KnOw AbOuT tHe gOoD oLd MiRaClE sLiMe, FrIeNd?

CG: I KNOW IT GETS YOU STONED OUT OF YOUR MIND, BUT DOES IT DO ANYTHING ELSE? COULD IT HEAL ANYONE?

TC: bRo It CaN dO aNyThInG iF yOu

TC: bElIeVe :o)

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]—

* * *

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: SOLLUX PLEASE I AM PADDLING UP THE FUCKING MANURE RIVER WITHOUT A SHITPADDLE HERE

TA: hey KK your 2hiit seems even more flipped than usual.

CG: YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY.

CG: MY SHIT HAS BEEN FLIPPED SO FUCKING FAR IT'S SPEEDING THROUGHOUT SPACE, AND HAS RIPPED A HOLE IN THE SPACE TIME CONTINIUM, WHERE IT WILL CRASH INTO YOUR SORRY HEAD THREE SWEEPS FROM NOW.

CG: ANYWAY I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME FOR METAPHORS WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ARSENIC POISON.

TA: 2traiight two the point huh KK.

TA: well ii cant really help you out much iim afraid.

CG: FUCK SOLLUX YOU'RE MEANT TO BE THE HOTSHOT HACKER AROUND THESE ALTERNIAN PARTS AND YOU'RE SAYING YOU CAN'T HELP?

TA: eheheh dude you liiterally just explained why ii cant help.

TA: iim the hot2hot hacker you iidiiot what would ii know about poii2on.

CG: FUCK.

CG: OKAY DO YOU KNOW ANYONE THAT MIGHT OR ANYONE THAT COULD LOOK FOR ME BECAUSE FUCK SOLLUX I'M GETTING DESPERATE.

TA: okay KK even though you have told me ab2olutely fucking nothiing about what ii2 goiing on here iill take a look about for you.

TA: ii know you fiind AA '2spooky' or 2ome 2hiit liike that so ii can talk two her for you.

CG: THANKS SOLLUX.

TA: eheheh ii thiink thiis iis the most 2incere iive ever heard you be so shiit must really be goiing down.

CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

CG: JUST… WILL YOU TRY, SOLLUX?

TA: sure KK.

CG: THANK YOU.

TA: eheheh two thank yous iin one conversatiion. thii2 log wiill be trea2ured forever.

CG: STFU.

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]—

* * *

"Oh, Karkat…" There are many more conversations like this, and before Nepeta realises what she's doing she's scrolling through them all. His words start losing coherence around the second time he talks to Sollux, and by the time he's resorted to asking Tavros if he knows anything, there's more keyboard smashing than actual words. Finally she logs out of his account, a mix of emotions – should she really have looked through those? Bar the obvious guilt, of course, there's a sense of dread from reading the information the other trolls have come back with. Seems like stomach cramps, vomiting, headaches, breathing problems, and dehydration are going to be the order of the day for her, not to mention the overall effect all of that would have on her battered body. She's pretty sure Eridan's grim prediction of 'early midblood culling syndrome' is a little farfetched, thankfully, but Karkat's only been asking about the poison symptoms, never mind the wounds his other self has given her…

Still. He seems to genuinely care about her, and that's enough to send a good sort of twinge through her in spite of all this awfulness.

Anyway. Nepeta hasn't asked for Karkat's husktop to stalk his conversation in order to feel silly flushed feelings. She noticed centaursTesticle was absent from Karkat's stream of conversations, meaning Equius probably hasn't got the slightest of ideas as to anything that is going on. Oh no, here's the guilt again… still, Nepeta knows she couldn't _pawsibly_ tell him exactly what's going on. For one thing, she's not entirely sure how she would put it into words, and also, well... she doesn't really want to get Karkat hurt. One mention of pain and there'll be a troll shaped hole in Karkat's hive.

* * *

-arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]—

AC: :33 *ac leaps out of the bushes where she has b33n hiding!*

CT: D - Not that I am not relieved to have you present in my data stream again

CT: D - But why must you introd00ce yourself in such a f001ish way

AC: :33 aw i havent b33n away for that long!

CT: D - Appro%imately three days

Oh. She really has been passed out on Karkat's couch for a while. How can she cover this up in a way that doesn't involve transforming lollipops and poison? There's no getting around the fact that she feels bad for lying to her moirail… with a small wince (thankfully from cringing rather than actual pain), Nepeta begins to type again.

AC: :33 oh! i apawlogise for that

AC: :33 you s33 i have b33n f33ling a little pawly lately and i have not b33n conscious enough to use my paws to pad out a chat :((

CT: D - Oh sh00t

CT: D - E%cuse my language

CT: D - But that is distressing to hear

CT: D - I feel if I were to try and take the matter of your general wellbeing into my hands however that would not do much g00d

Oh no. Now she feels even worse. If Nepeta had her hat she would be chewing on it as she cringed, hardly daring to look at the screen. When she closes her eyes, however, she feels like she might never open them again. Seems that the warnings Karkat was given are coming to light – she feels absolutely exhausted. Her stomach is tame for now, simply giving a quiet groan now and then, and her shoulder wounds from Karkat's sickles don't feel _too_ bad – she doesn't really want to consider them any more nor trying moving them too much – but her mind is gradually becoming overtaken by a dark sort of fog that the exhausted troll is all too happy to indulge.

CT: D - Nepeta

CT: D - Nepeta

CT: D - Are you still present

* * *

Your name is Nepeta Leijon and you are kissing Karkat Vantas.

There's a sickly sweet smell in the air, drifting and filling the air around your head, but you barely even notice as your lips slide over Karkat's. A grey hand tangles in cherry red hair, knotting and threading strands through your fingers. Your breath ghosts against the other troll's skin as a small giggle escapes, trailing off in a happy sort of mewling sound as your eyes open halfway to steal a glance before sliding shut again.

Then suddenly, a sharp pain in your mouth.

Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and Karkat Vantas has just bitten your tongue off.

Instantly a warm liquid wells up in your mouth and you stagger back, gagging and choking as it begins to seep down your throat. Karkat's spitting something out, a twisted grin on that pale face of his, but you don't even want to consider what that dark object was. You go to speak, maybe shout or cry, but no noise comes out, breath somehow coming out in a wheeze around the blood pouring down your throat. You fall to your knees at Karkat's feet, coughing and coughing as much olive liquid up as you can there, but the sheer volume is overwhelming, constricting your throat and making you gag as you try to breath around it.

You can still taste something metal in your mouth as your eyes slide shut, your last sight being your own tongue at Karkat's feet.

_Candy is orange,  
Cherries are red,  
Karkat's a trickster  
And Nepeta is dead._

* * *

Your name is Nepeta Leijon and you're back in your hive.

Your tongue feels strange in your mouth, and you wriggle it around a little to make sure it's definitely there before you begin trying to accept your location. It's definitely your cave. Pounce is there, and the drawings on your shipping wall are as vivid as ever. You're even wearing one of the pelts from your hunts. Still, you're unwilling to let your guard down at first, but when Pounce stirs and opens one eye lazily to look at you, you begin to relax. Strange how home comforts can do that to you. Strange how they let down your guard.

It's then you realise that Pounce isn't looking at you, rather, at someone behind you. A sickle greets you as you spin around, making a whooshing sound as it slices through the air and slams down into the sleeve of the pelt you're wearing. Automatically you scream, but when you feel no pain, you realise the weapon has failed to pierce your actual skin, thanks to the fur.

Until Karkat moves the blade and you realise the pelt _is_ your skin, the curved blade sliding neatly under your pelt and slowly, agonisingly slowly, beginning to peel it away in strips. The pain kicks in then, a horrible ripping feeling that sends shoots of pain all up your arm and throughout your whole body. Karkat doesn't even break his pace as he brings his other sickle down your other arm, the two blades working together to change your arms into nothing but a mess of olive and grey. At least, you think so – your arms are nothing but a blurry, hazy mess in the corner of your eye as you writhe, struggling to get away from the other troll who's holding your arms prisoner.

Then all of a sudden they're released, but there's no time - Karkat's moving on. In your tear filled eyes the sickle appears to move in one smooth, grey sweep to lodge in your shoulder, lodging in your shoulder this time. If anything the blades have got sharper – one motion of Karkat's arm and the material covering your chest is gone, the rush of air to your torn open skin a horrible sensation. Movement after movement and layer after layer of your skin is torn away, your pleas for Karkat to stop falling on deaf ears until what garbled speech you could do is cut off by an awful ripping sound, the most excruciating pain yet shooting through the chasm that was your chest.

_Candy is orange,  
Cherries are red,  
Karkat's a trickster  
And Nepeta is dead._

* * *

Your name is Nepeta Leijon and you are in your moirail's arms.

"Equius!" For once it's the troll comforting you and not the other way around as you twist around in his arms, half expecting them to slide straight through a hole or two in your chest. This is a rather strange situation for you to be in – normally, despite your best playful efforts, Equius always insists that you stay away from his incredibly strong arms in case of bruises. But really, after this, bruises would seem like nothing.

"Nepeta?" Hearing the concern in his normally aloof – ahoof? Teehee - voice is strange, and it only serves to make you more panicked. Is your tongue missing, leaving an empty hole in your expression? Are your chest and arms still hacked open? No, you're in one piece. Still the panic remains, you twisting and turning in Equius' lap like a terrified cat until you finally slide between the muscles. Finally you dare to speak. "E-Equius!"

"Nepeta, stop this foolish wriggling and tell me what's going on." It seems like a harsh statement, but you know that's just your moirail's way of speaking. In a way, it's actually comforting. Glancing up at him from your position on the floor you can see a sweat breaking out on his forehead, a small amount of light allowing you to see his concerned eyes behind those dark glasses of his. He's opening his mouth to speak again but instantly you shoot up, scrambling to cover Equius' mouth. "N-no! Don't say anything! He'll hear us!" Equius doesn't even have to ask who – you're already talking, the words spilling out of your mouth as panic takes over. "I-It's Karkat! I don't know what's made him like this, but he's brutal! It's Hell!"

You can tell the other troll is concerned. He doesn't even scold you on your use of language. There's a rustle as he gets up, face twisting into a determined scowl. "I shall ensure we are protected. I may not be fully aware of the situation, but for now, Nepeta, I suggest you hide." He doesn't have to tell you twice. You're already scrambling away, hands sliding along the metal floor of Equius' hive, already thinking of possible places you could curl yourself into. There really is no time to waste. Who knows how long it will before the candy coated troll turns up.

Turns out he was already here.

You barely get anywhere before Equius' has turned around, muscles in his arm rippling as he grabs yours and twists. A sickening crunch rings through the air along with your scream, head whipping around to look at Equius with an expression of wild confusion. His own expression hasn't changed, seeming almost innocent as he holds onto your totally useless arm. You daren't even look at it – your moirail's strength has brought bone to the surface. "E-Equius!"

"Nepeta." It's barely even an acknowledgement. He moves for your other arm but you're not letting him break that one too, jerking it away with a scream. His only reaction is to use your broken arm as a handle to spin you around, setting up a headlock and constricting your throat. The sweat on his grey skin is even more prominent now, and you can see why – as your frantic gaze lands on Equius' face the sheen somehow grows bright, covering him entirely, before it fades away to be replaced by an sickeningly familiar face.

Thankfully you don't get to see it for too long before the muscles Karkat has somehow retained ripple, easily snapping your neck.

_Candy is orange,  
Cherries are red,  
Karkat's a trickster  
And Nepeta is dead_

* * *

He's pinning you to the wall, holding your hand as yours grips his sickle in a mockery of a handhold as he forces you to slice yourself this time.

_Candy is orange_

He's rallying up all of your friends, all of them becoming dipped in colour one by one until you're surrounded by your own friends, all intent on taking a lump out of you.

_Cherries are red_

He's pinning you down in the harsh Alternian daytime, whistling to the beasts and laughing at them to come join the party where you're the entertainment.

_Karkat's a trickster_

_And Nepeta is dead_

_Nepeta is dead_

_Nepeta is dead_

Your name is Nepeta Leijon and you are taking revenge on the troll that has tormented you so.

One swift movement and clawkind is utilised, blue blades extending from your hands and slashing through the air to knock Karkat back onto the floor. Oh, why has it not occurred to you before to use your claws? They slash through the air, one two, one two, leaving beautiful cherry red gashes on the flawless pale skin. He's yelling out but you are relentless, turning your hands palm up and swiping your hands through the air in a hook like fashion, claws sliding underneath Karkat's ribs with a _snick_. Still you don't pause, using Karkat's ribs as handlebars and letting a hiss escape as you hoist him up. That red liquid is beginning to trickle down his chest now, seeping downwards and staining each and every stripe on his top.

But not fast enough for your liking.

He's shaken off your claws like a fish from a line to let them descend one again, the darker side of your troll subconscious taking over once again to hack and slash and pierce. Karkat's chest is opened, his legs punctured, mouth slashed open in a jagged smile so wonderfully far from the twisted smile he's been tormenting you with. The stomach cramps return to your mind and his stomach takes a clawing, a long curve following the shape of his insides appearing along his skin. This Karkat Vantas is nothing but a punchbag to you; a grey inflatable toy for you to take revenge on at your leisure.

Grey.

Wait.

_Wait_.

Now you're screaming, the dark thoughts receding like a dark retreating cloud as you clamp your hands to your mouth, claws withdrawing as you scream. Karkat's reversed to his normal self, staring up at you with horror as he weakly clamps one hand to an eye you nearly hooked out. No, it's not even horror – something that looks almost like Nepeta. Judgemental, as if to say why, Nepeta?

Why, Nepeta?

Why, Nepeta?

"Nepeta! Nepeta!"

She's still screaming, legs practically covering her mouth they're that hunched up on the couch. Someone's touching you, presumably Karkat – no, it can't be! She tore his arms apart at the shoulders, nearly ripped them from his body! He's trying to calm her, making some sort of noise that's presumably meant to be calming alongside swear words, but Nepeta's thrashing too much, arms and legs flying and knocking him back. When he hurries out Nepeta hardly notices he's gone, continuing to scream at the images playing back in her mind like the worst movie reel in history, until she's abruptly cut off by something warm and slimy hitting a tongue she shouldn't even have.

"K-Karkat! Karkat!"

"Just eat it!" Not a chance! Not after what he last fed her! Instantly Nepeta gags, at the strange substance or the memory she can't tell, fighting Karkat so much that he has to spell out what's going on and gently prompt her mouth shut. "It's soper slime! Motherfucking miracles!"

Oh. Oh. He's trying to calm her. Nepeta's so stunned that it's normal Karkat trying to help her that her mouth stops screaming, allowing the slime to easily slide down her throat. It actually feels quite nice on the rawness, and Nepeta manages to take a few calming breaths, though one glimpse of Karkat undoes all of that good work. "You- you were- my tongue- your mouth- chest-"

Karkat swears loudly, watching Nepeta's panic stricken face. "Fuck, you haven't been in a recupracoon for three days! Fuck! No wonder your dreams are going batshit!" If he says more Nepeta doesn't pick up on it, the soper slime beginning to tune her ears out from the world around her and dulling everything into a hazy sounding sort of mess. It's almost melodic. Her head lolls along the couch arm to look at the still ranting Karkat, at himself or her she can't tell, until he cuts off with a sad sort of sigh when he sees her face. He looks like he's about to burst into tears, but Nepeta can't understand that. Everything's fine! She's totally at peace. Oh, and now he's picking her up, Nepeta giggling as she rolls over in his arms, nuzzling her face into his chest with a happy sort of hum. All worries, injuries, thoughts of trickster trolls – gone.

"Mm, Karkitty… you're warm." She's not sure if he heard that. His shirt is quite fluffy, causing her to wrinkle her nose. "You're warm!"

"It's a fucking wonder." His voice doesn't sound harsh. If anything, it sounds quite sad. A giggle escapes from Nepeta's lips, though she's puzzled by a feeling of wetness that the action prompts. "Karkat? What's the liquid?" It's not helping the slight slurring or your voice.

"…'S blood. You were biting your lip." The idea of blood coming out of her mouth sends a small single of panic through her head, though it's quickly forgotten in favour of another feeling. Karkat's sliding Nepeta into his own recupracoon, the soper slime enveloping her body and feeling even warmer than Karkat. Speaking of the other troll. Her half open eyes spy him leaning over, sliding shut again as she feels his lips move against her forehead. "I'm sorry. For being such a fuckup. Shit, I'm gonna sort this. You watch me."

And she's not sure, but he may have moved his lips in a small kiss just before she falls asleep, her forehead tingling.

* * *

**One of these days I'll end a chapter without Nepeta passing out.**

**Today is not that day.**


	4. Bittersweet Truths

**helpmeI'mdrowninginexamsnotimetowriteKatNep**

**Shorter update this time! I wish I could extend the fluff but no time ;_; That said in quieter moments an ~actual~ plot has been developing that I can work into this along with wonderful KatNep. Hope to fit another chapter in soon, thank you for waiting!**

* * *

The cat hat stares up at her, innocent white eyes jumping out from the blue fabric to watch Nepeta intently. It takes her a few moments before she remembers it's actually hers.

It also takes her a few moments for her to once again remember that this isn't her recupracoon, and it's certainly not her hive. There's the odd sensation that she's gone through this thought process several times, amidst hazy thoughts and half remembered dreams – hallucinations? Memories? – but this time the findings actually stick in her mind, until the cosy walls of the sleep chamber begin to feel claustrophobic as they close in.

Nepeta wants out.

Her arms shake as she presses her hands on the edge of the recupracoon and begins to hoist herself out, a few small noises escaping through her lips as she struggles to put on them what little weight she has. Eventually she manages, flopping over the edge and over the floor with all the grace of a failed wriggler flailing to escape the inevitable culling, and she's just as slimy to boot.

Did she leave these clothes out? She can't have done, Nepeta can hardly remember how she even got into the recupracoon. Oh, she can remember all of the events _before_, in some cruel twist that failed to suck the memories of those awful night terrors away to wherever her most recent memories went. But the recupracoon? Could have come from anywhere. The memory of her dreams haunts her as she takes a careful step forwards, pausing almost immediately afterwards as a loud creak echoes through the room and freezing in case another certain troll jumps out at her. But nothing appears from the shadows in the corner, and Nepeta plucks up the courage – and the will – to move across and greet her hat.

As the soft fabric slips through her fingers a giggle sips through her lips despite herself, the smile on the front seeming a little warmer now that Nepeta's identified the hat as hers. A small movement to try and rein back some of her hair and the hat is in its rightful position once again. It snugly fits over Nepeta's wild dark hair that, after the events of the past through days, has a fair number of tangles in it. Normally Nepeta wouldn't be bothered, but there really are some severe knots in it that she can feel pressing into her head. Really, what has she been doing? And where even is she? Her head is so occupied with reliving each and every single nightmare, filling her mind with every tiny detail and more often than not causing her to flinch, that Nepeta's left no room to examine her actual surroundings and situation. She's still a little fuzzy, presumably from the soper slime.

Ah, the soper slime. The substance is still dripping from seemingly every area on Nepeta's clothing, causing her to pull a face as she examines a particularly large patch on her elbow and wipes a little off her chin. Yes, this is why she left the clothes out and always does so. There's her usual green jacket. However, something's off – shrugging the garment on feels alien, as if she hasn't worn it in a while. That makes no sense at all – Nepeta's never without her jacket, unless she's in her recupracoon, and eve then she wouldn't be aware she was without it.

She's left some more clothes out for herself, though looking down at the pile, Nepeta realises she finds the sight of them unfamiliar. Considering all of her clothes are practically the same, give or take a few size differences depending on how many sweeps she was at the time of creation, this is unsettling. Frowning, Nepeta crouches down, balancing on her toes as she gingerly moves dark grey sleeves away from the front of the sweater.

The sudden slam of the memories returning almost knocks Nepeta backwards onto the floor.

The grey symbol on the front of the sweater isn't hers, not by a mile. She didn't lay out these clothes. The owner of this sweater did. Karkat has taken the time to dig out one of his smaller sweaters – by the looks of things – for when she woke up. Even after everything? Even after everything he's done? Why is a small gesture such as this enough to spark off the rest of her memories? All of them are now hurtling along at breakneck speeds through her mind to catch the young troll up on what exactly has been going on these past few days. The tea party, the poison, the pain, the dreams, Karkat giving her the slime… Karkat's other side. Thinking through these memories, Nepeta realises that normal Karkat has done nothing but try to help, but the sheer amount of horror that's been jam packed into her time here at the hands of his alter ego – dream self or otherwise – is enough to take over her mind completely, wiping away the haze so everything is painfully crystal clear.

When Karkat appears in the doorway Nepeta's sobbing into the soft fabric of the sweater, olive green tears splattering onto his grey curved symbol.

He moves carefully so as not to shock her, crouching down and gently prising her hand away from the sleeve. A wry smile meets her gaze as one teary eye opens. "Hey." It's the only way he can think to begin. "'S for you to wear, not sob into. I don't fucking give my sweaters away to anyone, you know?"

It comes out harsher than Karkat intended it to, which is probably why the sleeve is dropped rather abruptly. There's a pause, and then Nepeta finds her arm moving, hand whipping through the air and parting it with a whistle to smack the back into Karkat's face. He reels, eyes widening in shock, and the action's enough for one particular night terror to jump back into the female troll's mind rather suddenly. Then she's scrambling, hands suddenly soft as she moves to pick Karkat up before his body can start breaking apart in front of her. "No! I-I'm sorry! I didn't- I didn't want-!"

"'S fine. Should have left you to it." Karkat seems unusually subdued, remaining on the floor rather stubbornly as Nepeta tries to help him to his feet. It's an effort for her to do so, however, and she ends up dropping to the floor in a very good imitation of a stone in front of Karkat. Her shaking legs withdraw to cling to her chest, and the two trolls sit opposite each other, the only sound for a good while being the steady drip of soper slime onto Karkat's floor. Eventually it prompts Karkat to speak. "You should get out of that slime. It starts to stink after a while, and I mean really start honking."

Strangely, Nepeta finds that amusing, and her small giggle is met with a confused look from Karkat. "What? I wasn't trying to be fucking funny."

Nepeta shakes her head. "Honking. It sounds like you're talking about Gamzee." There's a pause just long enough for an embarrassed blush to start forming on Nepeta's cheeks before Karkat develops a sheepish smile. "Suppose it did."

The conversation still seems awkward, but it's something of a relief to Nepeta. She's glad they can just sit and talk somewhat normally without mention of poison or lollipops or anything remotely connected to anything that's happened recently, even in only in the smallest way. Sadly, she knows that this illusion of calm can't last, and she clears her still-aching throat before regretfully crushing the happiness that had begun blooming. "Karkat…"

It's only one word, but Karkat instantly picks up on the theme of conversation, abruptly cutting her off. "I know." A sigh, before his voice becomes softer. "I know. And we're not going to talk about it." Nepeta straightens up a little, opening her mouth to protest, but Karkat cuts her off, expression twisting into a scowl to match his returning harsh tone. "The lollipop's a nice dent in my floor, the poison'll be working its way out of your system, now all that's left to do is for me to patch you up and we're all fucking fine and dandy."

"No! No we're not!" Something akin to anger wells up in Nepeta and she's not hesitant to release it, eyes squeezing shut as her fingers claw into the dark carpet. "We're not 'fine and dandy' at all! Please, Karkat, I know it's not you, but how can I just go about as if nothing has happened after this? How can I act as if some version of you hasn't tortured me? How can I erase those thoughts, Karkat?" Tears are starting to spill again. "It-it hurts even more because it's you!"

"You'd rather have been terrified out of your mind with some other troll doing this to you?"

"_Yes_!" The strongest of convictions is behind Nepeta's half-shout, and her eyes open filled with new determination glittering behind olive tears. "I don't want to be tortured by my friend! My- _good _friend! But I don't want to see you hurt either!"

"Fuck, Nepeta, I'm not the one being sliced up here!"

"No! You're being hurt too!" Karkat's pushed himself to his feet and Nepeta struggles to follow suit, but her hands eventually give up trying to support her and close into fists in front of her instead, shaking as she looks up at the other troll. "You _don't _want to do this, I know! I've seen you in the aftermath! I don't want you to hate yourself anymore than-"

"Than what?" Silence. A few more drops of soper slime splatter onto the ground. Karkat watches a green drop fall, before shaking his head and turning away to stare at the doorway instead. Clearly thinking of bailing. His voice is low, even more so now that he's turned away, and Nepeta has to strain to hear him. "Than I already do?" A scoff. "Not fucking possible, Nepeta, that ship left port sweeps ago. Try and fucking catch up with it, won't you?"

There's no more soper slime to fill the silence.

Then, using every ounce of strength that she has left stored in her muscles Nepeta pushes herself to her feet, taking a step and throwing her arms around Karkat. Well, she more staggers and falls into him, but the gesture is still appreciated, even if it does take a shocked Karkat a few moments to wrap his arms around the smaller troll in return. "I thought you were going to die." He admits, his tone of voice now matching Nepeta's choked sobs. "I thought I'd fucking culled you, I thought-"

"You thought wrong!" It's Nepeta's turn to be comforting, pulling her face away from Karkat's chest to look up at him. She doesn't even consider the red - ? - streaks making their way down his grey skin until she can't stand them any longer, a small hand reaching up to wipe two drops away. "Please! Don't even consider that! I'm fine!" Well, her throat still feels like hell, all of her wounds and stomach cramps are starting to kick up a fuss, and it's going to take a _very _long time for those dreams to fade from her mind… but Karkat doesn't need to know that. For his sake, for the sake of the troll that's done nothing except succumbed to a hideous alter ego, Nepeta will hide all of it.

Her hand comes to rest on Karkat's cheek where she's been catching the tears, the ever so gentle action prompting Karkat to open the eyes that had been squeezed shut. Nepeta's never seen Karkat like this – so vulnerable, the usual layers of anger and irritation stripped away until all that remains shining in his eyes is sadness. His hand flutters, and for a moment Nepeta thinks he's going to reach up and take her hand. He does, though not really in the sense Nepeta wants as he moves her hand away from his face. "Nepeta…"

Suddenly Nepeta realises that whatever he's about to say, she doesn't want to hear it. Her hand breaks free and returns to his face, one finger gently resting on his open lips. "No!"

"No?"

"No!" There's a new firmness in her voice, one which is present in her stern facial expression. "Forget it! You said it yourself, the lollipop's made a hole in your floor." She pulls her hand away so Karkat can speak, clasping it in front of her and looking almost hopeful as her gaze flicks to the floor. "Seeing as I can't go until I'm better… could we purrhaps do something normal? Together?" Hopefully the cat pun will emphasise her desire to be normal. She hasn't managed to use them as of late. Indeed, it seems to get through to Karkat, and he flinches briefly before sighing. "Did you have something in mind? I doubt you're up for skipping through the fields together."

_Oh, you'd be surprised if you knew… _Quick, what would Karkat be up for doing that could also make him feel better? Something that doesn't involve too much action? The answer's almost painfully obvious, although it doesn't smack of subtly in relation to Nepeta's feelings. "…We could watch one of your daft romcoms?" Nepeta grins at that, a small hand reaching out to gently prod Karkat in the chest. "Then I'll just be curled up on your couch again. Only… I guess in a better state than before."

Just as the silence threatens to envelop them both once again Karkat gives a small nod, a wry smile on his face. "Alright, but don't come fucking crying to me when you start ripping apart my film choice. After all you've thrown this ball in my very experienced court."

"So you admit it?" A small giggle. "Ha! You admit to the romcom thing! I didn't believe it!" Strange how such a small revelation can give her joy, even if Karkat could potentially take the teasing the wrong way. A scowl does flicker across his face after a pause, but luckily Nepeta can tell there's some amusement behind it as he turns away, shaking his head. "You get changed. I'll find a film."

For a few moments after the door has shut behind Karkat Nepeta stands and stares at it, before a small squelching sound reminds her she's still covered in slime. Lovely. Hang on, she hugged Karkat – she must have smacked some slime onto his chest, Oh, dear… she wastes no time after that thought, keen to get herself downstairs and onto the couch for once. Wincing as she eases the slime-ridden shirt over her head and being mindful not to get any on her hat, Nepeta drops the sodden fabric aside with a squelch, picking up Karkat's donated sweater and tugging it on. The softness of the dark material creates the illusion of a hug, and even that small aside thought is enough to make her giggle and blush. Her arms fold over her chest despite herself, rubbing the softness on her skin and wriggling as if to get cosy in the sweater. It's not quite the right size, the extra-long sleeves making it difficult to get her usual green jacket over her arms, but in her opinion it just makes the donated item of clothing even cosier. Replace the bottom half of her outfit and she's all sorted. For a moment Nepeta um's and ah's about what to do with her still dripping wet clothes, before deciding to leave them, bare feet hardly making a noise on the carpet as she exits the room.

Almost instantly she's greeted with the stairs.

It's silly, but the sight of the steps stretching out in front of her is enough to make Nepeta freeze up, hand instantly flying to hold onto a railing. This is silly, she's in no danger – Karkat's downstairs, oblivious to her panic as he picks out a film for them to watch, and there's more than enough time for her to make her way down safely. She's not in a rush. She's not going to fall. Nepeta repeats those thoughts to herself as she eases herself down, bare feet making a small _smack _sound with each step she manages to take. But then she reaches the centre, and a few small dots of an olive substance that are still present are enough to stop her in her tracks. Her breathing rate increases, hand tensing up on the railing as her gasps become audible and the sounds of thumping echo in her head. The wounds on her shoulders, upon returning to the place they were created, flare up, enough so to make Nepeta hunch over and withdraw. The tears haven't quite started then, but when Karkat appears at the bottom of the stairs, he's blurry. "Nepeta?"

She doesn't have to respond. There's one panicked sort of gasp as he makes his way up to meet her, a larger grey hand gently prising hers off the railing and giving a small tug. The prompt works a little too well and Nepeta falls forwards, though her surprised cry is muffled as Karkat's chest blocks her path. A small movement and she's upright again, sniffling as Karkat begins leading her down the stairs. Ther's more than a few swear words being muttered by the male troll, and Nepeta finds herself straining to catch every one as a focus even before she's given reason to listen to him. "I picked a film out."

"Y-you did?" Nepeta clings onto the distraction, swiping at her eyes with her free hand as she turns to look up at Karkat. It's a much better place to look than at the stairs.

"Yeah. I was thinking A Romcom about A Fairly Standard Vacillation Between the Pale and Flushed Quadrants of a Blue Blood and a Yellow Blood, with a Subplot of a High Blooded Threshecutioner Briefly Filling The Caliginous Quadrant Which Causes Much Complication In The Lead Up to the Arrival of the Imperial Drone."

"I haven't heard of that one."

"Course you haven't, I shortened the fucking title. If I tried to say it all the words would probably get lodged in my windhole and I'd choke on them."

The conversation's daft, but Nepeta enjoys it anyway, wishing she could think of a valid response. They finally make it to the bottom of the wretched stairs and Karkat lead her into a familiar room. This time Nepeta manages to get on the couch herself willingly, waiting for Karkat to sit down after putting the film in before she flops sideways and ends up leaning on his arm. To her surprise Karkat doesn't even flinch nor does he make any attempt to push her away, though Nepeta's not complaining.

Around halfway through the film Nepeta manages to pluck up the courage to say something that's been eating away at her, having to raise her voice a little higher than she'd like to talk over the film. "…I saw your trollian logs with the others." A pause, before Nepeta decides to clarify. "The ones where you were asking about the poison."

The sound of a sickle clattering to the ground in the film seems to echo through the room somehow in the silence. Eventually Karkat speaks, Nepeta feeling his chest rise with the deep breath he takes underneath her arm. "Yeah. Figured it was best." He frowns. "Why'd you bring that up?"

"I don't know…" It's true, she doesn't really. Nothing could be achieved or changed by putting that out in the open. Except maybe her own mental state. "I guess… I guess I just felt guilty?"

"Guilty?" Karkat scoffs, and Nepeta gives a small start as she sees the scowl return to his face. Oh, dear… "You haven't fucking done anything wrong."

"No!" Quickly she scrambles to backtrack. "I just felt guilty because I read your logs without you knowing! I could have read anything, i-it's your privacy!"

Silence is becoming a permanent resident in the Vantas hive. Then, much to Nepeta's relief, Karkat laughs, taking his eyes away from the film to rest his forehead against the top of Nepeta's hat. He's so close, she can just feel his laugh brush against her face. "Fuck, Nepeta. I can't even deal with you sometimes." Until Nepeta catches sight of his smile, she's unsure how to react. She giggles, a smile spreading onto her face. The too-long sleeve of her jacket comes up to smack Karkat in the face with a small thump, a blush appearing on her cheeks. "Shut up! I think we're at a dramatic scene."

But's she not interested in the film's scene. This one is much more interesting, with her head practically on Karkat's shoulder throughout the rest of the time it plays.

Maybe she can actually form some positive memories on this couch.


	5. Sugar and Spice

**I LIVE. All aboard the new POV train!**

**So this chapter begins to introduce an idea I've had kicking around in my head for this for a while now. Hopefully everything will start to knit together~**

**Thanks for all the reviews/favourites/follows while I've been slightly-dead! Shorter update than some but I'll get back into the swing of things.**

* * *

- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist -

AA: karkat?

AA: karkat are these messages coming through?

AA: karkat!

* * *

By an incredibly timed coincidence, when these messages flash up onto his husktop screen, Karkat's just left the room and is busy trying to play domestic goddess. 'Trying' being the operative word.

"Shit!" The image of himself at this particular moment in time is something he doesn't particularly want to consider as the third non-descript piece of meat flops onto the floor, laying at the troll's feet. It's an inanimate object, but somehow Karkat considers it to be mocking him, and he turns away with a yell. "Fuck!"

"Karkat?" Nepeta's in the doorway with a worried expression on her face, face scrunched up in confusion and worry as the shouted swear words bounce off the walls. She's sitting rather than standing, as she's still having trouble supporting herself without doubling over. That's another image Karkat doesn't want to consider right now – how horrifying his angry expression seems from the angle Nepeta's viewing it at. Oh, and another: Nepeta being in any sort of pain. Double points if it's due to him! How delightful this is all getting. He'll hit the jackpot soon! "If you're getting angry you don't have to do anything… I told you you don't! I don't even know if I'm up to eating anything yet-"

"No. You need something in your stomach. Like fuck I'm gonna leave it empty." Nepeta looks like she's about to argue but Karkat doesn't give her the chance, snapping his gaze away. His foot hooks underneath the piece of meat with a squelch, a dark brown liquid oozing from inside and seeping all over his shoe. With extreme prejudice and several muttered curses Karkat jerks his leg up, kicking out and sending the food soaring across the room into the corner. It lands with a small _splat_ on top of the last two attempts, each in their own state of failure. "Probably wasn't even fresh anyways. Which would have just topped everything off, wouldn't it? Your stomach's probably flipping me off right now, this would just make it use both hands. If stomachs even had hands. Fuck! Now I'm just starting on the shitty metaphors!"

"Karkat!" He doesn't see Nepeta get up as he's buried his face in his hands, so he can't tell her off for moving too quickly. Her hand resting on his shoulder makes him jump, his own hands pulling away to uncover his surprised eyes. "Purrlease! Don't worry!" A small smile graces her face at the cat pun. Seemingly spurred on by that small gesture, she slowly moves small hands forwards, fingers gently poking into each corner of Karkat's mouth to draw it up into a smile. "Just relax, okay? I'll be fine!"

It's with some regret that's Karkat's annoyance prompts him to push Nepeta's careful hands away, mouth dropping back into a scowl. "That's what you've been saying every day, Nepeta. If you were fine you'd be back at your hive, we both know that."

Since the two watched their romcom together, neither of them have mentioned anything that could possibly be related to the events of _that _night. They still haven't located the hole that both knew would have been formed by Karkat's encryption modus, packing the lollipop that had the ability to twist Karkat so into a heavy block and sending it crashing through the floor. Neither have gone looking for it. Both trolls are just awkwardly dancing round the entire issue as the poison worked its way out of Nepeta's system and they both know it, carefully stepping around any topic that may or may not end up triggering either of them. Well, more Nepeta. Karkat knows that after their movie night the female troll hadn't slept a wink, remaining leaning against him and quietly staring at the blank screen in front of them. As he'd kept his breathing steady, keeping the illusion that Nepeta was the only one awake, Karkat had felt the weight of her head on his chest against the soft pillow of his shirt. Really, he should have 'woken up' and sat with her; warded away the thoughts of those dreams she had previously.

In all honesty, Karkat's getting incredibly annoyed at the whole situation. Or rather, sick at himself.

At first he was disgusted with himself for what he'd done. Nepeta insisted that the other version of himself, the troll with the bright red hair and colourful clothing she'd described in frightening detail, wasn't him at all. The doppelganger was responsible for the p-o-i-s-o-n, not him. But if he could remember everything that had happened – if Karkat himself was still conscious enough – shouldn't he have been able to stop himself from doing such things?

Especially given his feelings towards Nepeta lately.

Lately, however, it's more the things he _hasn't _been doing. He hasn't managed to get Nepeta well again, mainly because he's just been causing her more pain on top of everything else. He hasn't been able to work with the poison as much as he can to get it out of Nepeta's system, because he knows jack shit about the stuff. Now he can't even feed her a fucking piece of meat! Granted, he probably could just hand it to Nepeta and have her tear a chunk off – she does hunt these beasts almost daily, after all – but to be fair, he doesn't even know if it's fresh. There's potential for double points in this game of How Much Hatred Can Karkat Rack Up there.

"Well, I'm much better than I was befurrr." The cat pun proves that. She couldn't even bring herself to pull them before. As if to prove it to Karkat even more she steps away from him, the too-long sleeves of Karkat's sweater that she's still wear dangling in front of her as she gestures to herself. "It won't be too long befurr I'm all good, right?"

How he wishes he could give her a solid answer. "I'd still feel better if I could get something fresh for you."

"Really? There's nothing wrong with any of these!" Before Karkat can protest Nepeta's walked over to the dumping ground, bending over to pick up the latest piece considered to be a failure. A wince flits across her face as she does so, but she makes such an effort to hide it that Karkat swallows his words. However, that's partly due to the shock caused by Nepeta picking a failure practically off the ground and carefully taking a bite.

"Fucking…"

Surprisingly, Nepeta giggles. It's a refreshing sound. "You underestimate me, Karkat!"

It's strange. Despite this whole fucking scenario Karkat's learnt more about Nepeta than he thinks he ever knew before, and yet his views still haven't changed.

There's silence for a few moments as Nepeta eats, surprisingly delicately given those cat-like fangs. Then she pauses mid bite, looking up and frowning at Karkat. "Karkat?"

"What?"

"Where's your lusus?"

It's a very good question. Thinking back Karkat remembers the last time seeing his lusus as when he first began cleaning out his hive, screaming for 'Crabdad' to back the fuck off for a sweep or so while he got on with shit. He's been so busy with Nepeta over the last few days that his usual rule as zookeeper has completely slipped his mind. "Fuuuuuuuck. How the fuck are we meant to find him?"

"By looking around your hive, I guess?" Nepeta can see Karkat's about to protest, and she drops the last small corner of meat to come over and put a hand over his mouth. She sure is getting up close and personal these days… "Crabdad can't be too far! We'll find him?"

"Yeah. More's the pity." It's slightly irritating that Karkat can tell that Nepeta knows he's lying about the lack of care for his lusus. There's a fucking picture of him on the fridge, after all, obvious effort made into keeping the lines straight and the colours inside them. Thankfully the only reaction Nepeta gives is a soft knowing smile before she turns around and slowly moves back to the doorway, Karkat hovering close behind.

* * *

Searching a place for something or someone really only complicates your supposed knowledge of the place, as it reveals many nooks and crannies that you can't even recall existing. More often than not Karkat finds himself becoming exasperated as the two trolls stand in front of an area, bickering as to whether a moderately sized lusus could reasonably fit inside that gap before giving in and searching anyway. Always to no avail.

It's as they're looking around that Karkat finally comes across the messages on his husktop screen, and with a frown he leans down to look at them. Nepeta slides onto the seat next to him, remaining quiet as Karkat scans the screen. "The fuck?" He mutters, before shaking his head and beginning to type.

* * *

- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist -

AA: karkat?

AA: karkat are these messages coming through?

AA: karkat!

AA: karkat these messages are of utmost importance

AA: karkat!

AA: they are important messages referring to timeline issues which i suppose you wont understand at all

AA: but they are of utmost importance!

AA: karkat you cannot ignore me forever

AA: we do not have time for that

AA: hehe time

AA: anyway karkat!

CG: FUCK ARADIA SLOW THOSE HOT FINGERS DOWN. I'M HERE.

CG: YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT.

CG: THIS ISN'T SOME APOCALYPSE SHIT AGAIN IS IT? AS WONDERFUL AND CHEERFUL AS IT IS TO ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION WITH YOU ABOUT OUR SUPPOSEDLY IMMINANT DOOM, I WASTED ALL OF MY SAD PITY EMOTIONS ON A PIECE OF MEAT JUST NOW.

AA: a piece of meat?

CG: DON'T FUCKING ASK.

CG: ANYWAY IS THIS ABOUT DOOM AND GLOOM OR NOT? I'M A BUSY TROLL AND I HAVE TO KNOW IF A CONVERSATION IS WORTH SCROLLING PAST MY EYES.

AA: well

CG: KNEW IT.

CG: YOU SEEM UNUSUALLY CHEERY TODAY. DID YOU FIGURE OUT A NEW PIECE IN THIS APOCALYPSE PUZZLE OF YOURS? I'M GETTING SHIVERS JUST WAITING TO HEAR IT.

AA: karkat this conversation is making me feel rather nostalgic but I must get to the heart of the matter! i need you to be agog!

CG: CONSIDER ME AGOG AS TWO AGOGS EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT AGOG EVEN FUCKING MEANS.

AA: oh

AA: it is a term i may have just introduced you to

AA: anyway you've discovered something in your hive you don't recall owning correct?

* * *

By this point both Nepeta and Karkat are frowning at the screen. Nepeta's gaze keeps alternating between Aradia's unusually cheerful messages and Karkat's face, looking for a flicker of recognition, but Karkat's expression remains neutral.

Then all of a sudden there's a loud noise from the husktop and both trolls jump backwards, staring in surprise and slight horror as the text begins breaking up in front of their eyes, glitching and distorting until it's almost unreadable. Karkat grabs the mouse, wiggling the cursor across the desktop and cursing to himself as it too gets lost in the hazy mess, letters and pieces of the background streaming down the screen and forming messy bars to block up their vision.

Nepeta's face still just holds curiousness. "Did you run one of Sollux's programs recently?"

"Fuck no, I'm not that stupid." Debatable. Karkat checks to see if Nepeta's right as best he can before the husktop gives up on them completely, the screen abruptly cutting to black. With a sigh Karkat leans back, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck it. That conversation was going nowhere anyway."

"Karkat?" Finally Karkat looks down at the troll curled up on the seat next to him. He can tell she's about to say something she doesn't want to. If the cat ears on her hat were real, they'd be drooping. "What thing was she talking about?"

Silence. Then another heavy sigh from Karkat. "I think we both know."

The two trolls are quiet for a little longer. Then Nepeta speaks again, gaze meeting Karkat's again. "I think we're going to have to find that lollipop, Karkat." She says quietly, the words sounding forced as if she really wants to hold them back. Fuck, Karkat's not even doing anything and she's upset. Only one point for that. He's dropping the wretched ball. "We can't just leave it sat in your hive somewhere. We need to get rid of it."

"I don't want to get rid of it."

Unlike Nepeta, Karkat doesn't seem to have to force out words. They slip out before he can stop himself, and understandably Nepeta's shocked. In fact, she even springs back off the chair away from him, though it costs her a wince or two. "K-Karkat! After-"

"I know everything it's done!" Karkat's on his feet now, eyes wide and expression panicked as he struggles to cover his fuck-up. Nepeta's eyes are wild, filled with terror as though he's going to change right there and then. To be fair, he doesn't blame her for being scared of the other Karkat. He would be. He is. "Fuck, Nepeta, if I could skip back in time and prevent myself finding that fucking thing and doing… everything I would!"

"Then why say you don't want to get rid of it?"

"Because… because when I'm using it? I actually like myself. 'S like a goodness seeps into my mind and lightens it all up. It's fucking peachy until my ass snaps out of it and I'm come crashing back down to whatever devastation I've caused." Ever so gradually Karkat's voice decreases in volume as he speaks, his body language becoming less and less hostile towards Nepeta. His fists unclench and arms fold over his chest defensively almost as though he's trying to hug himself, gaze slipping away from Nepeta's face and focusing on the dark floor instead. Each fibre suddenly becomes extremely interesting to him, Karkat trying to fill his mind with trivial notes such as how he really wished he'd gone for a less depressing colour scheme when he was constructing his hive to try and push out the choking guilt that's piling into his thoughts.

In his peripheral vision, he sees Nepeta take a step closer to him. "Karkat…" Her voice sounds hesitant, as if she's debating whether or not she should speak. Fuck, now he's really scared her. She's totally done with him, he can tell. So why is she moving closer?

After a pause Karkat dares to look back up. Nepeta's expression doesn't seem scared anymore, just… sad. However, her words still sound hesitant. "So… so what you're saying is, is that something like… _that_ is the only thing that stops you from hating yourself?" Why does she look so sad? She looks practically ready to burst into tears when the word 'hating' slips past his lips.

"Yeah. I guess. And when the only thing that stops you hating yourself turns you into a brutal monster instead that only serves to fuck up those you care about, well, you know all of your future choices are fucked, don't you?" The hatred towards himself and his general situation is seeping into that all-too-familiar consuming stage, writhing around like snakes in his stomach and weighing down his heart more and more. He hasn't even realised what he's let slip yet, too caught up in dealing with every single minor detail that contributes to his self-hatred. Normally this is bad enough without added influences – Karkat can do a spectacular job of putting himself down – but ironically the one item he's just identified as a fighter against his crippling insecurity has really only served to worsen it.

In fact, maybe it's even turned his self-hatred into a weapon.

Fuck.

"I don't want you to use that again, Karkat…"

"I'll fucking back that one up." But the thought of just being _free _from those thoughts that weigh him down so… just having the illusion that all of his problems have been carried for even just an hour or so…

Luckily Nepeta breaks through that dangerous thought process. She's continued to move closer to him, so much so that he can almost feel her chest pushing against his as she breathes, and Karkat wonders how he even missed out on noticed. "I guess… I guess we'll have to find something that takes that hatred away from you instead."

"Like?"

The wild look has returned to Nepeta's eyes again, though this time Karkat thinks it seems more daring than scared. Is that the right word? Yes, come to think of it – despite the mixture of emotions and pain she's been feeling today Nepeta looks almost flustered, a half smile beginning to form on her face as she reaches up. She takes a deep breath as one hand goes to Karkat's shoulder, and he finds his eyes focused on the small fang that's just poked out of her mouth.

Then it becomes blurry as she stretches up and leans in to Karkat, the male troll almost hearing her sweet voice answer his question in his mind as their lips finally, finally meet.

_Like a quadrant?_

* * *

_..._

_..._

**ehehehehehehehehehe**


End file.
